As the hierarchy of organisations and layers shrink, enhancing personal effectiveness and influence skills is crucial in the current workplace. The success and results can only be achieved through, with and from others. Being able influence people without formal authority is an essential skill, and we cannot achieve this without confidence, clarity of purpose and the ability to fully express our feelings. And as leaders our roles demand that we draw from the qualities we possess and how we can influence and motivate our team members.
Influencing skills isn’t just about getting others always to share our points of view. In fact, we might be able to influence them to join with us. They may not always be in agreement with our views. It’s not about winning at all costs, and being able to do things our way all of the all the time. It’s not about imposing or getting others to change. We cannot change others.
Behaving in a way that gives others the invitation to change (their behaviors, attitudes, thoughts, and ways) and/or to accept your desires, while accepting that they might not be able to or aren’t willing to, or do not have the capacity to to be affected.
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Definition of skills that influence
Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, defines influencing as
“not the capability to convince anyone to do something you want them to do It’s the power to force yourself to accomplish what you want to accomplish”
If we want to whether we like it or not, the truth is we are using influencing skills all the time and not just through our actions. Our very presence at a meeting may influence people positively or negatively. The style or nature of our presence, the words you say or the way we speak and the manner in which we (unconsciously or not) convey is a huge influence.
The more adept we become at understanding what we are doing or the things we do about us, that impacts on others, the more successful and effective we become.
Ten key influencing skills
Watching – paying attention to non-verbal behaviour – what is not being said, what a person may be feeling, taking note of your own thoughts or feelings, thoughts, hunches or intuitions
Interpretation – the ability to recognize and react to non-verbal behavior such as body sign, changes in skin colour or breathing, manner of speaking, etc.
Active Listening is the ability to listen to what is said and to be able to discern what was implied or not stated as well as being able to express directly what someone else has stated and how they feel in a way that summarizes the conversation to ensure clarity and agreeance.
Feedback – give feedback to the other person on what you perceive, see the information you hear and see as well as what you feel and intuit. Get feedback from other people to develop your own self-knowledge and your impact on others.
Awareness – Be aware of yourself, and be mindful of the present moment by moment, especially of behavior patterns that are not productive, your limiting thoughts, beliefs and reactions.
The choice is yours to make – you can recognize whenever you want to, if how you are behaving is not productive, you are able to alter your own thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Self-confidence – to feel at ease in the face or conflict. This confidence should be based on self-acceptance and not based on a sense of superiority to another.
Timing – be able be able to get the timing right, like when to give feedback and when not to or when to utilize choice A or B and when to resign or remain persistent, and when to let go completely.
Intuition – rely on your own instincts or intuitions regarding the probable patterns of another person’s behaviour, to listen to your inner positive voice.
Another’s Perspective – to look at your goals (what you’d like) by looking at it from the other’s viewpoint. You can’t force or command the other person to agree, therefore decide what’s important to them, sell them the benefits, look at your feelings and be ready to rethink your approach.
Today’s working environment depends very heavily on relationships and influence capabilities – working alongside as well as through others. It’s rare that you are effective in your personal life and positively influence others without the reciprocal giving to and receiving from others that provides opportunities for growth and your effectiveness. And you are able to achieve this only if you have the support and challenge that only other people can provide you.